The Lord's Prayer, Updated to Reflect American Values

free market prayer

Bow down and worship the infallible, all-knowing, invisible hand of the free market! Our Market, who art in Freedom™, Hallowed be thy brand. Thy profits come. Thy loans be done on Main Street as it is in Wall Street. Give us this day our daily interest, and forgive us our debt, as we ...
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It's Time to Make Healthcare More American

flag care

The GOP really wanted to repeal the Affordable Care Act. They wanted it bad, like Gollum and the One Ring bad. Repealing Obamacare is their precious. They haven’t shut up about it for the past 7 years but now that they control both chambers of Congress as well as the White House they can’t figure ...
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Fixing American Democracy: Voting Bucks

voting buck

I was excited to see a headline recently about a new initiative in Seattle called the Democracy Voucher Program. Finally, I thought, someone has brought the excitement and prestige of vouchers to the boring old institution of voting. My excitement melted into bitter disappointment when I read the details. All ...
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We need to talk about pockets

pocket inequality

Dear Pants Maker, First, I’m a big fan of your work. There’s a lot of polarization in the world today but almost everyone can agree that pants are pretty nice to have around. I own several pairs and wear them almost every day. My wife is the same way, always with the pants wearing. We both just ...
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Carnivorous Flying Space Monkeys!

space monkey

Healthcare in America is fucked. One look around will confirm this to anyone with a functional cerebrum. What the cerebrally privileged disagree on is why it’s so fucked and how best to get it unfucked. Some blame corporate greed, others point to government interference in the free market and some ...
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Black Suit of Death #2 is Funded!

thank you

One of the most nerve wracking parts of the writer’s life is submitting work to a publisher. We all hope for the sweet validation of a publisher writing back to say, “this is good, here’s some money.” We also fear the rejection that is much more probable. We will examine a rejection letter ...
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