The Meritocracy

ship 2787544 1920

After discussing the situation with his captain the first mate returned to the deck to inform me of my fate. “I’m sorry,” he said, “but we’re going to have to toss you back in.” “What? Why?” “We can’t allow anyone to stay on this ship who doesn’t deserve to be here.” “How ...
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Lost Letters From Cassini

Cassini Entering atmosphere

At last the REAL story of the Cassini spacecraft can be told. Read the letters NASA doesn't want you to see! My Dearest Geneviève: I hope this missive finds you well. As far as my travels have taken me, you remain ever in my thoughts. Huygens and I celebrated the new year with the majestic ...
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What About Breakfast at Tiffany’s?

graffiti 2559636 1920

An ode to modern political discourse, with apologies to Deep Blue Something. You say Trump is making hatred common He's such a racist, I mean come on And the country's falling apart You'll say Trump has been a disaster His administration has failed faster than any other before And I said, ...
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I Was Promised a Thousand Years of Darkness

eclipse

Dear Customer Service, Early last month I purchased your DIY Armageddon kit from Amazon. For a product that cost over one hundred dollars I expected much better results. The product description claimed it would bring about a thousand years of darkness beginning the morning of August 21st, 2017. ...
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The Adventures of Cliven Hobo

hobo

I began this little experiment as a series on Medium. Then I discovered that Medium seems to think that only mobile users would want to read a series and anyone who prefers a desktop browser is just a troglodyte who doesn't read anyway. Since I don't think you're a troglodyte, I'm posting this here ...
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The Lord's Prayer, Updated to Reflect American Values

free market prayer

Bow down and worship the infallible, all-knowing, invisible hand of the free market! Our Market, who art in Freedom™, Hallowed be thy brand. Thy profits come. Thy loans be done on Main Street as it is in Wall Street. Give us this day our daily interest, and forgive us our debt, as we ...
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