Humor

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The Day the Love Bug Died

herbie dead

In the end, the lies peeled away like cheap, desiccated paint, flaking away to reveal the ugly truth. No one loved the Love Bug for his own sake. The truth was that people only loved him because he was a winner. Technology advanced too far for even his indomitable spirit to overcome and with every ...
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The Weasel Timeline

weasel

In April 2016 a weasel chewed into one of the electrical transformers of the Large Hadron Collider, causing a short circuit and shutting the machine down. What the Fake News won't tell you is that the weasel incident caused a rift throughout the multiverse. The walls that separated each reality ...
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A few high concepts for 4/20

pipe smoker

In honor of America’s favorite unsanctioned holiday, I figured I’d do a little free writing today. Disclaimer: No cannabis was harmed in the making of this blog post. I stopped by the Circle K this morning to pick up my morning breakfast of carbonated high-fructose corn syrup and caffeine. ...
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The Quarterly Oppressor: Mission Statement Mistakes

suit 673697 1920

Ever wonder what separates a real corporation from some schlub with a small business and a cheap lawyer? The answer is a mission statement. Nothing gives the impression of corporate power and prestige like a well-worded mission statement. But before you go grab a fresh Crayola and start spilling words ...
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I Thought the Nightmare Was Over but Then Someone Said Happy Holidays

rainy 83136

Now that Christmas 2017 is over, I feel like I can come to grips with what happened to me this year and tell my story. I went to my apartment’s leasing office a few days before Christmas to pick up a package from Amazon. Everything seemed normal. The office was festive enough, appropriately decorated ...
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Tis I, the Malevolent Force Behind the Destruction of Your Childhood

anakin skywalker crys

Hello there “real” Star Wars fan. Tis I, the malevolent Force behind the destruction of your childhood. You can call me Bob for short. Don’t think I haven’t seen your angry reaction to The Last Jedi. I’ve seen your online petitions. I’ve read your angry rants. I’ve watched your ...
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