The Quarterly Oppressor: Keeping the Slags Happy

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Thursday January 25, 2018

They go by many names. Pencil pusher, stapler jockey, cubicle monkey. Here at The Oppressor, we call them slags. As much as no one really cares about them, they keep the wheels turning. Without an army of office drones on the payroll, even the most powerful and corrupt evil empire would crumble like a brick of Feta cheese. Yes, they are scum. Yes, they are unworthy of licking dung from your boots. Yet it is imperative you retain them as employees.

Those who contract with Dynamic Overlord Solutions will enjoy a leader highly skilled in keeping attrition rates low while maintaining an appropriate level of mistreatment. In this issue, we will look at just a few of the strategies they use to keep a workforce happy and productive. Or at least prevent them from staging a mutiny.

You don’t need to value the slag, but you should value the money you’ve invested in breaking them. To quote directive 37 in the Dynamic Overlord Solutions Oppressors Handbook: There may be an endless supply of drones, but it’s a waste of money to constantly replace them. Keep this in mind as you read this issue.

Bill Smidley
Oppressor in Chief
Dynamic Overlord Solutions