The Lord's Prayer, Updated to Reflect American Values

Bow down and worship the infallible, all-knowing, invisible hand of the free market!

Our Market, who art in Freedom™,
Hallowed be thy brand.
Thy profits come.
Thy loans be done
on Main Street as it is in Wall Street.

Give us this day our daily interest,
and forgive us our debt,
as we collect from those who owe us,
and lead us not into charity,
but deliver us from foreclosure.