The Quarterly Oppressor: Keeping the Slags Happy

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They go by many names. Pencil pusher, stapler jockey, cubicle monkey. Here at The Oppressor, we call them slags. As much as no one really cares about them, they keep the wheels turning. Without an army of office drones on the payroll, even the most powerful and corrupt evil empire would crumble like ...
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The Quarterly Oppressor: 60 Years of Oppression!

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Yes, lords and ladies, this edition marks the beginning of our 60th year of helping our readers oppress the working masses! I remember my first day here, starting as a low-level whip cracker fresh out high school, armed only with a sense of self-entitlement and the blessed nepotism of my father, ...
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I Thought the Nightmare Was Over but Then Someone Said Happy Holidays

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Now that Christmas 2017 is over, I feel like I can come to grips with what happened to me this year and tell my story. I went to my apartment’s leasing office a few days before Christmas to pick up a package from Amazon. Everything seemed normal. The office was festive enough, appropriately decorated ...
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Tis I, the Malevolent Force Behind the Destruction of Your Childhood

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Hello there “real” Star Wars fan. Tis I, the malevolent Force behind the destruction of your childhood. You can call me Bob for short. Don’t think I haven’t seen your angry reaction to The Last Jedi. I’ve seen your online petitions. I’ve read your angry rants. I’ve watched your ...
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5 Mind-Blowing Spoilers For The Last Jedi

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I don’t know what I expected out of The Last Jedi but it wasn’t this. Here are the top 10 things that blew my mind about the latest Star Wars movie, which I have not yet seen. If you think the Ewoks forgot all about the deaths on Endor at the end of Return of the Jedi, you’re mistaken. ...
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Matthew from the Bible

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His name is Matthew, just like the first book of the Bible. That is how he introduces himself. I guess he doesn’t count the Old Testament. He asks what breed our dog is then gives her a vigorous scratch behind her ears. She approves. Matthew looks to be in his mid 30s but it’s hard to know for ...
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