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Tis I, the Malevolent Force Behind the Destruction of Your Childhood

anakin skywalker crys

Hello there “real” Star Wars fan. Tis I, the malevolent Force behind the destruction of your childhood. You can call me Bob for short. Don’t think I haven’t seen your angry reaction to The Last Jedi. I’ve seen your online petitions. I’ve read your angry rants. I’ve watched your ...
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5 Mind-Blowing Spoilers For The Last Jedi


I don’t know what I expected out of The Last Jedi but it wasn’t this. Here are the top 10 things that blew my mind about the latest Star Wars movie, which I have not yet seen. If you think the Ewoks forgot all about the deaths on Endor at the end of Return of the Jedi, you’re mistaken. ...
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The Meritocracy

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After discussing the situation with his captain the first mate returned to the deck to inform me of my fate. “I’m sorry,” he said, “but we’re going to have to toss you back in.” “What? Why?” “We can’t allow anyone to stay on this ship who doesn’t deserve to be here.” “How ...
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Lost Letters From Cassini

Cassini Entering atmosphere

At last the REAL story of the Cassini spacecraft can be told. Read the letters NASA doesn't want you to see! My Dearest Geneviève: I hope this missive finds you well. As far as my travels have taken me, you remain ever in my thoughts. Huygens and I celebrated the new year with the majestic ...
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I Was Promised a Thousand Years of Darkness


Dear Customer Service, Early last month I purchased your DIY Armageddon kit from Amazon. For a product that cost over one hundred dollars I expected much better results. The product description claimed it would bring about a thousand years of darkness beginning the morning of August 21st, 2017. ...
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The Adventures of Cliven Hobo


I began this little experiment as a series on Medium. Then I discovered that Medium seems to think that only mobile users would want to read a series and anyone who prefers a desktop browser is just a troglodyte who doesn't read anyway. Since I don't think you're a troglodyte, I'm posting this here ...
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